Dear Tall Lady Pixie Pie,

Sorry it has been so long since our last letter, it took a while to escape China. I know what you are thinking, we came in peace, so why did we have to escape? Well, we were invited to a party meeting, which we thought would be fun. It turns out it had nothing to do with a real party. They did not even have cake. We tried to spice things up a little by giving everyone some pixie dust, but things went south when one party leader (who was really boring, so I do not understand the title at all) floated across the room, and his butt touched another party leader in the face. At any rate, we hopped on a wild pig and rode it across the country until we got to Mongolia, and the first person we saw stole the pig and ate it. So we just found a plane. It was the first time we could talk to Mr. Googly on our magic ringing rectangle box.

Anyways, we decided to go to Atlantis and found you a really pretty cup there! At least we think it was Atlantis, there were a lot of giants there with sandals and flowery shirts and cameras… We don’t know why everyone is always talking about how hard it was to find, we just used the magic to look it up. It turns out it’s in another place called the Bahamas. You should come visit sometime Pretty Tall Lady, and you should bring Oger, there’s so much neato stuff!!!

It was a great trip until Darla tried to make friends with a squid. Only it wasn’t a squid, it was something called a jellyfish and it did NOT want any new friends, and does NOT taste good with peanut butter. Darla’s legs turned an amazing shade of purple and got a little swollen, like JLO swollen. However, she lost the feelings in her legs which worried her a bit. I was quite happy with the new color, and the swollen back seat, but she thought we should get some help. 

Don’t worry though, we found a very nice giant who nursed her back to health and even made her a new dress! It’s made out of a really pretty local flower and it looked amazing on her until it started to wilt and fell off. (I think the real reason it fell off is because the swelling in her backside finally subsided.) She got really embarrassed when the dress fell off, but I didn’t mind, wink wink. Luckily, we found a little lady who was very stiff on the beach that was wearing a dress that was Darla’s size so we bought it from her with sand dollars. She did not really respond because instead of a head she had these arms and claw things coming out of her neck. As it turns out a local giant told us this is something called a hermit crab, and that the little lady was not really alive at all but was something called a doll. I am really glad because both Darla and I thought it must be very uncomfortable to not have a head.

Oh, Did you know about these sand dollars?! You can use sand dollars as money here, and they are everywhere, totally free! It gets confusing because some shops do not take them even when they say they do when you ask, very frustrating. We had to buy your mermaid cups with the shiny card you gave us. It is probably good that the Bahamas is the only place with such smelly money, Darla still kind of smells like old fish, most likely because she has been wearing one of these sand dollars as a hat.

Anyways we hope you like the cups, we are off to Canada from here! We found a really nice goose that was willing to fly us… hopefully this one does not bite Darla, with the swelling having gone down I imagine she looks much less tasty to these waterfowl. I am beginning to think there is something about ducks and geese thinking that butts are tasty. We will write again soon.

We will write again soon!

Your Faithful Pixie Servant Tawdd Fairywinkle The Third

Darla

PS.   Please don’t eat my sisters, but my brothers are still fair game, if you can find a hermit crab or two I would not be adverse to you removing a few of my brother’s heads and giving some of those pinchy hand guys a new home.