Dear Glorious and All Powerful Pixie Pie,
That’s how they say “hello” here in West Virginia! I hope things are going well in the shop. We have been traveling around the state with a very friendly goose who keeps honking at all the other birds, and even things that just look like birds (airplanes mostly). He is quite talkative and showed us a new thing called “giving someone the bird.” People do not seem to like it. We have nicknamed him “road rage,’ which seems appropriate. I am a little worried because Darla keeps asking the ones that look like the duck that took us to China if they knew our duck. She keeps asking me to help describe him to them, and I keep accidentally saying “tasty.” Which reminds me – I need to get our goose some kind of a treat or bribe of some sort at the next stop for honking at those birds before she can ask me what happened to the duck. I could alternatively find a restaurant and solve the problem the same way we did before, but it was so hard to find a good ride here.
Anyway, it is very green here right now. There are lots of really old buildings that seem to have a lot of importance to the giants we have seen. I think it is too warm and damp here to spend as much time outside as the giants who seem to like to sit outside on the porches. A really nice lady and gentlemen who told us that it is polite to say “may am” and “sir” have been letting us stay on their porch and have been giving us a drink that they call sweety, like I call Darla. I tried to order sweety at a local restaurant, and the waitress corrected me, and said it is pronounced “sweet tee” – who knew I had been pronouncing it wrong all these years! I like it so much better! Darla has been enjoying some of the local flowers. The giant lady has been helping her learn how to make new dresses since it is so hard to stay dry with all of this wet air. Also, you should see Darla’s hair, she looks like someone electrocuted her, it is basically increased in volume by about 5 times its normal size. It is truly amazing. I have taken to hiding food in it, which she is not happy with, so I have decided to only do it while she is sleeping.
We found some candles with funny titles that we think Mr. Ogre sir may find amusing. Please tell him we think he is the best, and remind him that if he eats Pixies it will make him very fat, and that he should just eat pizza because it tastes the same and is easier to replace. At any rate, the candles are named after some of the shows he and the other giants keep talking about. Darla was trying to celebrate “Christmas in July” by lighting a Candy Cane smelling one, and to help with some of the damp smell around here. She fell in. Don’t worry! She now has new dresses and her hair is a little shorter and less poofy and she still likes this smell. I told her not to worry because she is representing our brand very well, as she is now officially a toasted pixie. She does not find that very funny.
That’s it for now, but we will write again soon. Please tell my sisters hello and please make a peach pie out of my brothers, or apple, you know, whatever you have handy.
Yee Haw! (Am I using that right?)
Your Faithful Pixie Servant Tawdd Fairywinkle The Third
P.S. We did catch a news article about a 7 year-old kid who floated away from a Waffle House. So…we will be a little more careful with the pixie dust. I am hoping that is the last we hear of the syrup problem.